Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Tory boy attends first planning meeting and makes a new friend

Reading back some recent entries I though this blog was getting a bit to serious, bordering on the up tight even. So with apologies to the Beano, Billy Bunter, Jennings and even the Famous Five (or the Cabinet as we know them!) I offer this slightly tongue in cheek (though accurate are regards how he voted!) version of Conservative Councillor McKenna's first planning meeting.

He came into the Planning Committee peering round nervously. His mother had made sure he was immaculate in his nice suite and tie, with brilliantly polished shoes. However, he was still the new boy and he hoped no one would pick on him. Lord Snooty McKenna spotted Head Master Morris but he was deep in Conversation with Rob Cook the Chair of School Governors. No help there!

Luckily for Lord Snooty, even though he is a Tory Boy, he was taken under the wing of the Labour Party Form Captain, Ginger Brash. Brashy saw how confused and uncertain the new boy was but after just a few minutes the two became fast friends. After all they had so much in common. They are both young, ambitious coves who hope for great things for themselves. Lord Snooty is of course chinless (being a Tory) which is not something you could say about Ginger (I mean you couldn't say he is chinless! Listen to the Form Captain speaking sometimes and you could however quite easily mistake him for a Tory). Ginger Brash was pleased to discover Lord Snooty was actually a year older than him, which allowed Ginger to hold onto the "Youngest Councillor" title for a little bit longer. Lord Snooty was pleased too, since as he wasn't the youngest Councillor maybe he wouldn't have to fag for any of the bigger boys after all.

Lord Snooty almost jumped out of his seat when the Terror of the Remove, Wild Man Lilley, creaked into the room. He really does need to oil those leather trousers! I suggest he goes to see Matron Laffey; After all Matron Knows best and she might have something he could rub in to deal with stiffness?

"Greetings Comrades! Up the Workers" boomed Lilley. "Right up Em Comrade" came the lone response from me.

Ginger and Lord Snooty were meanwhile getting on famously. The Form Captain was explaining there is no whip in planning but all Lord Snooty had to do was put his hand up when the Labour Councillors put theirs up and he wouldn't go far wrong. Lord Snooty got the hang of it straight away, despite his Tory background he voted with the Labour Form Captain every time. I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise, after all it's thanks to the Conservatives and Lib-Dems that the Labour Group remains in power despite loosing over all majority on the Council.

Lord Snooty looked a bit lost when the Form Captain had to leave the meeting before it ended. When the vote came he was looking round desperately for someone to give him a lead. I was going to whisper to him "Just Vote against me" since that seems to be a rule of thumb most Planning Committee Members apply in times of uncertainty. Simmons of the Labour Upper Sixth however stepped into the breach to provide guidance and assistance to the new bod and make sure he didn't vote the wrong way.

After the meeting finished, with a possible record of only three deferred decisions out of ten, it was probably all down to the member's room for lashings of ginger beer and a good ferret through the new boy's Tuck Box. Pip Pip


  1. Matron, was known as the knicker dropper in her younger days at the girls convent.

    I suppose it had something to do with loose elastic, or morals.

    I wonder if Lord Snooty has been introduced to that shamefull flirt Ackers Belcher of the cottage. Bet he gets a good introduction into the art of back stabbing. Still being a Tory he should be a natural.

  2. I hope you're not trying to exasperate the situation?

  3. How very class war... UKIP don't want you to write their leaflets you could always join Labour and bash the tory toffs?

  4. It was headed “tongue in cheek!”. Unfortunately some people take this sort of thing very seriously. According to the Sunday Papers the Labour party activist dressed as a "toff" at Crewe actually went to a more prestigious private school than the Tory Candidate did! Probably not as good as FfĂȘtes or wherever it was Tony Blair went, it’s supposedly the "Scottish Eton" which established his credentials as a down trodden worker rising up to free the masses from the chains of capitalist oppression. Up the Workers Comrade!